curtains.

I really hate the shower curtain in my bathroom. It's a completely irrational thing to "really hate," but I do. It looks like something out of a GQ magazine photoshoot. Like, ok, well, just go with me here: camera pans from ceiling to floor, the hot guy in a man tank top is posing mid-shower exit. He shouldn't be wearing a shirt at all. What's he hiding? There's that sly grin. The "I'm hiding one of my numerous badass scars from my life as a bullfighter." The air is heavy, thick with condensation. Everything's sticking to everything else, but this model's eyes are stuck on you, desperate housewife. The soft mauve, light brown and random golden strands of this shower curtain encase this model, the curtain decides it's more of a cape. And thus the tone of this Gillette ad. Oh, how shiny every other thread of curtain is — that sort of metallic sheen.

When I got it I must have been thinking, "This is adult looking," nevermind that it sort of has the divorced-male-looking-for-tang quality about it. Whatever, "It's on sale!" I should note here that it's incredibly out of character for me to buy retarded things just because they're on sale. Part of this has to do with my three day rule, in that I only buy things that I don't really need until three days have past. This has both hindered and helped me, and I recommend it to other poor people like me. I've billed it as the Sensible Shopper Technique.

But this curtain. This Bed, Bath and Beyond curtain that I bought with my mom with one of those 20 percent off coupons they send every three weeks. This curtain that's followed me around for three apartments. This curtain that I always intend to replace with a cutesy white curtain with black cursive letters on it that spell things in French, or have toille farmers or the alphabet or the name for "bathtub" and "shower" in a bunch of different languages on it. This curtain was so cheap. And the curtain I want isn't.

Because nothing is a better value than just keeping the thing that you already have. It's sort of a depressing mentality, and I'm glad it really only has to do with household items.

It's a terrible thing to have grown up frugal. There's no justification for things like buying a new curtain. It's almost like buying new picture frames...which is stupid. Replacing things that aren't broken is foreign to me. Replacing things that are broken sometimes even takes a push. (Shoes are disqualified from any sort of shopping rule.)

So, I guess I'll just keep it until my roommate Cynthia accidentally burns it with her straightener. Then I'll have to get a new one. Until then, I'll just be dreaming of what our bathroom could look like. Sigh.

The shower curtain in question. Again, I know it's irrational how much I hate it. I know.