My city's still breathing (but barely it's true)
through buildings gone missing like teeth.
The sidewalks are watching me think about you,
all sparkled with broken glass.
I'm back with scars to show.
Back with the streets I know.
They never take me anywhere but here.
Those stains in the carpet, this drink in my hand,
these strangers whose faces I know.
We meet here for our dress-rehearsal to say " I wanted it this way"
and wait for the year to drown.
Spring forward, fall back down.
I'm trying not to wonder where you are.
All this time lingers, undefined.
Someone choose who's left and who's leaving.
Memory will rust and erode into lists of all that you gave me:
some matches, a blanket, this pain in my chest,
the best parts of Lonely, duct-tape and soldered wires,
new words for old desires,
and every birthday card I threw away.
I wait in 4/4 time.
Count yellow highway lines that you're relying on to lead you home.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Real Life Version
Voxtrot
Love, spread out like seeds
Somebody walked away from landscape poverty
I came to find you
I came to see the beauty underway
That bloomed love, energy
And it turns around like you
And it turns around like me
Into something new
But the only thing I see
I see you, I see you
I see you, always struggling
To find some gentle song
Some mode of simple trust
and ways to understand
These reaching orchards
Of broken fame
Grown deep inside of us
By forced and troubled hands
I see you, I see you
I see you, always struggling
I see you, I see you
I see you, always struggling
To find the sun
Reaching down through shadowed brush
Breaking off the bitter branch
Twisted roots like tans
Dreams of all these spotlit kings
Drinking up the light
Like California redwoods
Splitting up the night
And it turns around like you
And it turns around like me
All the talking we could do
Oh if only we could be
A real life version of you
A real life version of you
And a real life version of me
A real life version of me
I see you, I see you
I see you, always struggling
I see you, I see you
I see you, always struggling
Love, spread out like seeds
Somebody walked away from landscape poverty
I came to find you
I came to see the beauty underway
That bloomed love, energy
And it turns around like you
And it turns around like me
Into something new
But the only thing I see
I see you, I see you
I see you, always struggling
To find some gentle song
Some mode of simple trust
and ways to understand
These reaching orchards
Of broken fame
Grown deep inside of us
By forced and troubled hands
I see you, I see you
I see you, always struggling
I see you, I see you
I see you, always struggling
To find the sun
Reaching down through shadowed brush
Breaking off the bitter branch
Twisted roots like tans
Dreams of all these spotlit kings
Drinking up the light
Like California redwoods
Splitting up the night
And it turns around like you
And it turns around like me
All the talking we could do
Oh if only we could be
A real life version of you
A real life version of you
And a real life version of me
A real life version of me
I see you, I see you
I see you, always struggling
I see you, I see you
I see you, always struggling
Thursday, March 13, 2008
spring break spring
is it really this time of year? is that little bunny hopping around corners already? do i seriously have to think about my career?
holy moly.
if i've ever been nervous, it's now.
when i think about my life and the various directions it could go i really tense up.
i shrink. it's unbearable to feel incompetent although i most likely am quite up to the challenge.
it's just — there's something about this finality that really frightens me.
and while i know that nothing is reversible, i can get out of whatever i fall into. i am that sort of person.
there is just so much i still feel like i have to do here, as a student, as a friend, and i'm scare that my friendships will deteriorate when i leave iowa city, especially the ones that might just now be blossoming.
while i hate to use rhetoric like that, i can't help but feel like it will all whither away. and maybe it's for the best. maybe i'll have amazing relationships wherever my feet land come june, but it hurts.
and although i'm anxiety ridden about this, it's not something that often comes into conversation. no one likes to talk about the ends of things. i don't, and that's probably why things from years past still occupy my thoughts from time to time.
do i just need to let it all go so life can move forward, or can i reconcile these two lives to each other — past and future converging into the present?
holy moly.
if i've ever been nervous, it's now.
when i think about my life and the various directions it could go i really tense up.
i shrink. it's unbearable to feel incompetent although i most likely am quite up to the challenge.
it's just — there's something about this finality that really frightens me.
and while i know that nothing is reversible, i can get out of whatever i fall into. i am that sort of person.
there is just so much i still feel like i have to do here, as a student, as a friend, and i'm scare that my friendships will deteriorate when i leave iowa city, especially the ones that might just now be blossoming.
while i hate to use rhetoric like that, i can't help but feel like it will all whither away. and maybe it's for the best. maybe i'll have amazing relationships wherever my feet land come june, but it hurts.
and although i'm anxiety ridden about this, it's not something that often comes into conversation. no one likes to talk about the ends of things. i don't, and that's probably why things from years past still occupy my thoughts from time to time.
do i just need to let it all go so life can move forward, or can i reconcile these two lives to each other — past and future converging into the present?
Monday, March 10, 2008
Obviously, a little more Wilco: What you once were isnt what you want to be any more
Last night my roommate and I headed to West Des Moines, IA after spending the weekend with her parents in Adel, IA. We were going to the last night of the 2008 Wilco "Sky Blue Sky" concert. This song has been performed at all four of the Wilco concerts I've attended and definitely is in my top 3, if not my favorite song they play. It's on the 1999 album "Summerteeth." I was 11 years old when this album popped on to the scene. Love it.
Wilco - A Shot In The Arm Lyrics
The ashtray says
You were up all night
When you went to bed
With your darkest mind
Your pillow wept
And covered your eyes
And you finally slept
While the sun caught fire
You've changed
We fell in love
In the key of C
We walked along
Down by the sea
You followed me down
The neck to D
And fell again
Into the sea
You changed
Oh, you've changed
Maybe all I need is a shot in the arm (x 7)
Something in my veins bloodier than blood (x 4)
The ashtray says
You were up all night
When you went to bed
With your darkest mind
You changed
Oh, you've changed
What you once were isnt what you want to be any more (x 5)
Wilco - A Shot In The Arm Lyrics
The ashtray says
You were up all night
When you went to bed
With your darkest mind
Your pillow wept
And covered your eyes
And you finally slept
While the sun caught fire
You've changed
We fell in love
In the key of C
We walked along
Down by the sea
You followed me down
The neck to D
And fell again
Into the sea
You changed
Oh, you've changed
Maybe all I need is a shot in the arm (x 7)
Something in my veins bloodier than blood (x 4)
The ashtray says
You were up all night
When you went to bed
With your darkest mind
You changed
Oh, you've changed
What you once were isnt what you want to be any more (x 5)
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
I like this.
"40" from U2's War
I waited patiently for the Lord
He inclined and heard my cry
He brought me up out of the pit
Out of the miry clay
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
How long to sing this song
How long to sing this song
How long...how long...how long...
How long...to sing this song
He set my feet upon a rock
And made my footsteps firm
Many will see
Many will see and fear
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
How long to sing this song
How long to sing this song
How long...how long...how long...
How long...to sing this song
Musical Aid
Recently I've been thinking about the connect between non-profit fundraising types of events, those that attend them, and the artistic side of things that seems to find a welcome foothold in all of that.
Three Events/Organizations seem to exemplify what I'm saying:
1. Amnesty International's "JAMnesty" music event, which brought together the UI Anti-War Committee, Invisible Children, Iowa United Nations Association, UI Global Health Club, among others.
2. Invisible Children's use of videos to promote their cause, along with the UI chapter's possible big concert blow-out fundraising event.
3. Speakers at the UI, i.e. musician and UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador, Angelique Kidjo, lecturing at the UI tomorrow, Wednesday, March 5.
This is just an idea I've been pondering. It seems to become more pertinent and obvious the clear relationship between creativity and the desire to help.
Thoughts?
Three Events/Organizations seem to exemplify what I'm saying:
1. Amnesty International's "JAMnesty" music event, which brought together the UI Anti-War Committee, Invisible Children, Iowa United Nations Association, UI Global Health Club, among others.
2. Invisible Children's use of videos to promote their cause, along with the UI chapter's possible big concert blow-out fundraising event.
3. Speakers at the UI, i.e. musician and UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador, Angelique Kidjo, lecturing at the UI tomorrow, Wednesday, March 5.
This is just an idea I've been pondering. It seems to become more pertinent and obvious the clear relationship between creativity and the desire to help.
Thoughts?
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