Bands. Aids.

I need to stop listening to sad music. If there's one thing that makes me feel terrible, it's a song that makes me feel too much. The Weepies are that band for me as of late. Sometimes it's Wilco. Other times it's anything instrumental. Most of the time I feel a little bit like I'm not myself. Like there's a show or front I put up, and I'm sure it's strikingly obvious at times. And I don't know if it will ever go away. Is it weird to ask, will all of life be like this? There's one thing I do love, and it's when I can just exist, not think, and just be. Yet even that can be an act, because I'm forcing myself to just quit thinking. Most of the time I'd like to take a deep breath and start over.



Antarctica, The Weepies

Left behind everything I knew
All the colors but bone-white and sky-blue
Hit the continent running
Engines were humming just to break through

Antarctica, my only living relative
Antarctica, I can't wait anymore

Under ice there's a world moving slow
Carnelian stars and the bars down below
Serve only vodka and gin
I try to stay drunk so nobody knows

Antarctica, my only living relative
Antarctica, I can't wait anymore
I can't wait anymore

And then there's morning
Each one feels like the first one
Ah, morning, so clean, so pure
Nothing so clear, now that I'm here

When I get back to the city
Everything's cluttered and pretty
I won't regret my return
I'll just remember the wind and the snow
And the howling so loud
That it alone drowns out the inside of me

Antarctica, my only living relative
Antarctica, I can't wait anymore
I can't wait anymore
I can't wait anymore