smiley face cookies

Today I was busy. Busyness is key when you have nothing to do. Errands remain one of the great time eaters, and that's what I did. I ran errands all day. Then, when the time arrived to fill my gut with cookies, a traditionally wonderful thing to do when mildly depressed, I looked no further than Highwood's Il Mulino Bakery. As my mother would say, "It's a touch of Europe right in our backyard." I told her she should be a copy editor or at least in advertising/marketing, but I'm pretty sure she'll stick with nursing.

The Smiley Face Cookie has been a staple in my life since I was six. On Saturday mornings my dad would generally pick one out of the six of us kids to take to the bakery, and pick out cookies for everyone. Whenever he would take me I would ask for the Smiley Face. It is a day-brightener to the highest degree.

You know the worst thing that could ever happen when dealing with Smiley Face Cookies? I'll tell you. The worst thing is going into the cookie box and realizing that your choice is not there. The worst thing is seeing the crumbs leading toward the stuffed face of your younger brother. He literally turned my smile upside down and ate it.

This, this was the last straw.

The one thing truly good about my day today was eaten. $2.50 down the belly. And, let me tell you, when it comes to eating someone else's Smiley Face Cookie, all I can say is, "Good Luck," because that pathetic "Sorry" doesn't cut it.

How to Not Be Depressed During a Depression

1. Remember at least once daily, at least you’re not dead or dying. Don’t say things like, “But then I wouldn’t have to deal with this sh*t” right after. People will become worried about you, no matter how true the statement.

2. Write down five things you love each day, even if they’re seemingly dumb. Example: reading, capitalism, road trips, earrings, & lists

3. Blink a lot when you feel like you might start crying. Whatever you do, don’t let the tears well up, they will fall, and you will look and or be pathetic. You know what, carry tissues with you at all times.

4. Read a lot of books, and tell yourself things like: You’ll look back on this period as a great time in your life. At least you still have eyes. At least you can still process this novel intelligently. Look, you read a crap ton of Ayn Rand. You’ve always wanted to do that.

5. Listen to your iPod extraordinarily loudly whenever parents, siblings or friends attempt advice, which will not only be the opposite of helping, but will annoy you to no end.

6. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Meaning, if someone says they might be able to help you, don’t believe them until you’ve got your first paycheck in tow and you’re walking into a bank.

7. Substitute teach. Seriously, it’s a great way to make a few, and you get to feel intellectually superior to at least someone.

8. Continue donating money to good causes. You will feel better and you will have helped out someone else.

9. Volunteer. Even though it’s not a real job and you don’t get paid, it’s still a solid thing to jot down in your schedule. Filling up time slots is important.

10. Catch up on all that sleep you missed out on during those all night study sessions that really helped you get to this great place you are in now.

11. Take a deep breath. The water’s not warm. They lied.

Addendum: Don't think about what you don't have.

dash 7 quality.

the new wilco album has me. i love it. i've been listening to it on cd in my car for the last two weeks. i haven't downloaded it onto my computer yet. i plan to. but i'm waiting. i'm waiting because i'm getting back into some old songs and albums. dash 7. so beautiful. i just like the way tweedy's voice works as another instrument along with the guitar, bass, drum, etc. mantra. quality. a.m. was one of those records that really just worked. blue eyed soul. it's all around just solid. too far apart. i thought i held you. love it.

Dash 7 in the air,
Dropped to the sun alone,
Jets hum

I wish that I was still there,
Props not a jet, alone,
Where the sun doesn't come down

Because I've found the way those engines sound,
Will make it kiss the ground,
When you touch down

Dash 7 pointed down
The captain's announcement,
Doesn't make a sound

Because I've found the way those engines sound,
Will make it kiss the ground
I found the way those engines sound,
Will make it kiss the ground,
When you touch down

Rilo Kiley's "Silver Lininig"

And I'm not going back into rags or in the hole
And our bruises are coming
But we will never fold

And I was your silver lining
As the story goes
I was your silver lining but now I'm gold
Hooray hooray I'm your silver lining
Hooray hooray but now I'm gold.

And I was your silver lining
High up on my toes
Well you were running through fields of hitchhikers
As the story goes

Hooray hooray I'm your silver lining
Hooray hooray but now I'm gold
Hooray hooray I'm your silver lining
Hooray hooray but now I'm gold

And the grass it was a ticking
And the sun was on the rise
I never felt so wicked
As when I willed our love to die

And I was your silver lining as the story goes
I was your silver lining but now I'm gold
Hooray hooray I'm your silver lining
Hooray hooray but now I'm gold
Hooray hooray I'm your silver lining
Hooray hooray but now I'm gold
But now I'm gold
But now I'm gold
But now I'm gold

Hopefully, eventually, one day, maybe I will feel like I'm gold. Right now I'm just walking around feeling like a blank slate, but in a bad way. It's like I have nothing there. Sort of depressing, right? Yeah. I'm sorry. I wish it wasn't this way, but it is. One of these days.

Real Life Edit.

Facebook, Twitter, Blogging, etc.: all just edited versions of yourself.

More people should realize this.

And be careful, if you admit your favorite movie is Clueless, be prepared to either laugh about it, or defend it in all seriousness, all likely to get a good jolly. That goes with 30 Rock quotes and interests.

What Came First, the Chicken or the Egg?

What do employers want from me? I have about one thousand sent items to companies, corporations, publications and anything else in between, and dammit: I don't know what these people want from me.

How do you convince Jane No Name and her colleagues that you're totally, utterly, and completely, the lost individual they've been searching for all this time...without saying just that. Subtlety. I don't have it, I guess. I mean, seriously. I don't know Jane. I know her company, her brand of human, and I can imitate it all I want, but that doesn't mean that I fit, or even that someone will take the time to sift through the thousands of emails that funnel through 7 seconds after posting on Craigslist.

Thank Ed2010.com for that one. I look on that journalism job site, along with JournalismJobs.com and MediaBistro.com about a zillion times per day, week, month, yadda yadda yadda. It tells me who's looking, and today for the first time it told me why they weren't looking for me.

Other than the fact that being over qualified is now a turn-off, I'm not that surprised. [Also, I don't 'get' the whole over-qualified. Why is being ahead a bad thing, why is having a lot of experience a deterrent? John McCain and I ponder this every day.] But at the same time, even if you don't make one of these 10 careless errors, you and your silly letter will still be neglected. Lost in the Email Abyss, sorry to say. I came to a conclusion that made me highly depressed.

Basically: there's nothing I can do about it. My life is out of my hands all the time, and it's spinning out of control.

I don't like it.


For More on Joblessness and Out of Control College Graduates, check out: http://www.middleness.wordpress.com

Will Your Love Be Safe With Me?

"Re: Stacks" from Bon Iver's For Emma, Forever Ago

This my excavation and today is kumran
Everything that happens is from now on
This is pouring rain
This is paralyzed


I keep throwing it down two-hundred at a time
It's hard to find it when you knew it
When your money's gone
And you're drunk as hell


On your back with your racks as the stacks as your load
In the back and the racks and the stacks are your load
In the back with your racks and you're un-stacking your load


I've twisting to the sun I needed to replace
The fountain in the front yard is rusted out
All my love was down
In a frozen ground


There's a black crow sitting across from me; his wiry legs are crossed
And he's dangling my keys he even fakes a toss
Whatever could it be
That has brought me to this loss?


On your back with your racks as the stacks as your load
In the back and the racks and the stacks of your load
In the back with your racks and you're un-stacking your load


This is not the sound of a new man or crispy realization
It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away
Your love will be
Safe with me