5 Things I love

A few months ago I started writing down a few times a week five things that I love. It really helped me see things in perspective, and I'd encourage you to do the same. For a while I was pretty distraught at feeling like (slash being) a know-nothing, unemployed sucker who went to college only to get diddley. So, it really was necessary for me to write down all the good things that were going on — because there actually were and are a lot of good things going on. So, here's a taste of what I'm talking about. Here are some of the things I collected from different lists I wrote this week in no particular order:

1. 5 minutes after my alarm goes off, all snug in my warm sheets.
2. When things work themselves out.
3. Rebecca, sad she's leaving for Spain, but so happy for her.
4. Sending postcards and cards.
5. Reading on the train.
6. My walk to work, it smells like chocolate and brownies.
7. Catching up on shows with Brian.
8. Talking about the book I'm reading.
9. Seasonal drinks at coffee shops.
10. Larry, Colleen, Sean, Timmy, and Kevin.
11. Options.


What's funny is when I was working in the cubicle I actually wrote Things I Do Not Love lists, which isn't good, but can be funny to go back and read. Here's one of those:
1. Losing jewelry and knowing it's around here somewhere, but still no luck.
2. Cision, my job at Cision.
3. When Corner Bakery runs out of chocolate chip cookies.
4. Not having a pen and paper when I need one.
5. Kankersores.

Unnatural & Natural Fears

I have forced myself into fear.

As is typical in most cities, there's a public transit system, no?

Yes.

With that comes steel vents in sidewalks. You know, the metal overlay that disrupts the sidewalk's cement sheen. I have an unnatural fear of these.

It's true that I've heard stories of strangers falling through, suing the city for countless sums, but I never was afraid before, falling through, that is.

While walking down the street, typically to and from work, I consciously tell myself to dodge these menacing hurtles. But they are no more menacing that a pothole or an abnormal crack causing you to roll your ankle. The funny thing is, is that there are so many variables that can really screw up your day, so why pick just one? If I'm going to cause an unnatural fear in myself over walking across vents, then shouldn't I freak out at the littlest of worries?

It's gotten pretty annoying to change my walking path, seemingly cutting off those walking beside me, those who have no abnormal fears they somehow brought upon themselves.

But, you know what actually is scary: those metal doors that come out of shop basements onto the sidewalks. These are way scarier because you (the walker) are relying on some guy who has to clear out the basement trash to remember to lock the door and perform all the necessary latches in order for passersby not to fall through, breaking arms and legs.

Maybe what's really unnatural is my fear of relying on others in general, whether that's the guy who's supposed to lock the door, the city worker who has to put in the vents properly or anyone else — but I suppose that's a breakthrough for another morning.

Books, Books, Books

I always tell Brian that we can be the couple who reads together. I don't know why, but I have this idea that we could go to a park, and there wouldn't be any bugs, and I could be reading some silly Sophie Kinsella book or some really intense biography about a high-powered woman, and he could be reading some book that periodically he has to read out loud to show just how funny it is.

I don't know why, but it's always been something that I've sort of wanted, for one reason or another. Maybe it's because I really love going to bookstores, but there are never comfy chairs open, so I just end up reading outside and want company. Or maybe it's because I want someone to read sentences aloud to. That's company though, right?

Company is probably the biggest thing, because really, reading is quite a solitary activity. Or, it's all just a throwback to reading outside on the pentacrest in college. Let's go with company as a whole though.

I mean, you've got your book groups and the like, but there's no real discussion, I imagine. Maybe I have a skewed perspective on book groups thanks to my mother. She has been part of one for a few years now and enjoys reading, but somehow always gets distracted and can never finish the book in time for the book group deadline. I get that. But at the same time, it's hard to have a real chat about a book if you've only finished a third of it. Then again, why is there a timetable for reading a book? Ah, ha, libraries also have timetables. Two weeks, or you're out. I pounded down the latest Sophie Kinsella novel, Twenties Girl, in just over a day on Wednesday. I was dodging a late fee and returned it during the off-hours technically after the deadline, but also technically not. Limbo. By the way, in case you hadn't heard from me already, Personal History was great. It's sad that there's no more. If I were Katharine Graham (provided I was still alive), I think it would be really scary to look at a 650-page book and realize that's it. That's your life. I mean, obviously not everything can be covered in a book, but it's sort of intense.

But this is neither here nor there. I suppose I do have a way of talking about the books I'm reading. Thanks for checking up, blog readers. In the meantime, I'll probably be outside. Reading. For now it's JFK's Profiles in Courage.

Top Favorites

At LLR I started a Clip-of-the-Day sort of thing where I post a clip on Facebook, Twitter and other social networking sites of one our animation studios' newest things that I like.

Yesterday I was really loving this one from Framestore:
Volkswagen Polo 'Dog'








and today's clip from LAIKA:
M&M's Taste

You have to go to the top, click on Reels, then Show Reel, then in the top Right you will see a Blue M&M. Click on it. It's too funny.

Let me know what you think. I've got a couple lined up in my mind for next weeks clips...

Two Quotes to Live By

"To me, working is a form of sustenance, like food or water, and nearly as essential." -Katharine Graham, Personal History, p. 623

"The longer I live, the more I observe that carrying around anger is more debilitating to the person who bears it." -Katharine Graham, Personal History, p. 614

Swimming.

So far working at Liz Laine Reps has been really freeing. Literally. Today I got let out three hours early due to a phone and Internet problem. But, even if I was still there it would be great. Working in an environment with just a few others around truly affords the hard to come by visibility that's really difficult to access in a big corporate environment. Already I've been able to meet the creative team from DDB Chicago and have scheduled screenings and trips to other advertising agencies, along with introducing myself to our roster of animators and directors. Really I'm just jumping into the thick of it and hoping I won't make a mess of things, but actually will exceed expectation.

And, it's helpful to check in with friends, too, who are diving deeply into their chosen life-for-the-moment. Here's a quote from Paul's blog that he practically never posts on, hence the title of the post: "I haven't Posted Since my Birthday."

"nothing else that needs to be said except life is predictable but at the same time full of surprises. i am learning to give all i can in the situation that i am in, and when it is over, i can move forward knowing that i did what i was supposed to do."

We Should All Be Jacks

Periodically I am vain and re-read my past posts. I think I like to check in with myself to make sure I'm not just the sounding board. However, I feel like I have been. In reading the post "Compiling the List of Yesteryear" I left the list with the possibility of gaining a position with Teach For America (TFA) and/or going to Graduate or Law School, slash getting a job.

In another previous post I mentioned that I had gotten my heart broken by various jobs and interviewees at not being selected to work at their organization, company or publication. Unfortunately for both me and TFA (yeah, I said it), I did not get the position to be the Public Affairs Coordinator. Though I would have killed at it, apparently I wasn't a "right fit." Upon asking how I could have strengthened my position or what I was missing or what they wanted and I somehow didn't deliver, they said, "No comment." This, I fear, has become a regular response from the dumper in these short-lived relationships. I've never really been privy to being in little week to month-long relationships, so I a. didn't realize I had been dumped and b. definitely didn't know how to react. My natural response was to ask why, and I guess it makes sense why they don't want to relive their thought-process. I'm convinced that for every job I didn't get over the last year, I am, indeed, the one that got away.

But, alas, I digress — going back to past posts.

I would like to say that in everything I have ever written on this blog I am and will continue to be 100 percent candid. This has, I think, gotten me in trouble, hence making the blog private. For your eyes only. The trouble with being so truthful though, is you see my direct stream of conscience. In re-reading posts I am afraid that I sound like a flake. Bouncing from idea to idea, grad to law to advertising to PR and public service to this, that and the other thing, somehow landing in a cubicle amidst the mayhem — I'm sorry.

It should also be noted that I view myself as a Jack of All Trades, as narcissistic as that may sound, which is why I jump around. I think it's an exceedingly good thing to jump around though. At this time in most of our young lives, we don't have real obligation, we don't have real needs, we just need a roof, a blanket, some food and livelihood, when it comes down to it. So, I suppose, I encourage you to re-read who you thought you were going to be last year, re-think who you are now, and make a list of all the things you want to do. (Maybe even make an outline with roman numerals, and the works.)

What's scared me most in the last few months was the fact that I thought in order to live, to do what I wanted to do, I had to compromise somewhere along the way. Eventually that may be the case, but right now, no way. It may seem like we don't have the luxury of choice, but friends, that's all we have here, and it's awesome. The thought I had constantly rotating in my mind if I didn't quit my job was, if I die tomorrow it will say somewhere in my obit that I worked in a cubicle (maybe not verbatim, I hope), but it definitely wouldn't say I was pursuing my passion — and I couldn't, then and can't now, live with that.

So, I close now by saying I still have real goals and real hopes and real things I'm pursuing, but they will change, and I will too. Graduate school or law school, living abroad, traveling often, making and donating money, giving my time, owning my life, and walking with my friends and God, learning from experience, and watching in excited anticipation for the world to throw unexpected things my way, but might be just the ticket at that very moment. I can't wait for the next exciting thing to happen, and right now I am hopeful that I'm walking more in its direct path, rather than darting left and right.

Wisdom & Working

"They weren't born like that, you know. The self-made millionaires, the now-famous who started with nothing...They learned the skills that brought them to the top, then they practiced, and through practice they changed their behavior — and their behavior made them different people; wholly different. You can be different too — any way you want to be..."

-originally from paragon-athletics

I read this in an e-mail a good friend sent to me about a month ago. Since then I have tacked it up in a cubicle, carried it around as a bookmark (in my Personal History book) and read it nearly a hundred times. It helps me.

The thing is, I've realized that through keeping an on-going list of all the books I've read this year that my most enjoyable have all been either autobiographies or biographies. Even the fiction works I've read all fall into a sort of realistic fiction where something reads as if it could have happened. But, what's more important is that it's through seeing my enjoyment in reading real-life stories that I've come to want to live a life worthy of recounting (slash I've always wanted that, just affirmation). It seems unfortunate to me that many people lead lives that (perhaps I unfairly judge) seem mundane to me. There's a sort of rhythm to life I've noticed as evidence in taking the Chicago Metra train to work every day. People sit in the same spots, wear the same self-given or office-given uniform and talk about their lives by the copy machine, how their significant other is being difficult, how they wish they could take off the afternoon, skip out early on a whim and go on a trip to Lake Geneva. I never wanted the pinnacle of my day to be leaving work.

See, I figure if you're going to be somewhere for 40 to 60 hours per week, you should like it. Maybe that's a development akin to recent years of easy-living for the under 30s, but I don't care. Why shouldn't you like your life away from and at the workplace? It seems a bizarre notion that every day, in order to be productive, has to be recounted in an excel spreadsheet with a regimen that looks, feels and is exactly the same.

Fortunately for me, I've been able to surround myself with people that have higher hopes, and more so, expectations than that — and even still the ability to carry out those passions. Thankfully after sending out an e-mail letting friends know I was leaving behind Cubicle City for some fresh air, I didn't receive any "Are you insane?" messages back. That's just a testament to good friends, good character and like-mindedness, that unfortunately many aren't accustomed to.

History (see autobiographies and biographies) has time-and-again proved that real success doesn't come from sitting on the sidelines. Waiting out the big dogs. Or sitting in a cubicle waiting for someone to give you the go-ahead. I don't want to keep my head down and act natural. There's something to be said for biding your time, but there's also something to be said for knowing what you want, and knowing what you don't want. And if you can be decisive, then be that.

Working

Here's a parred down version of excerpts from an e-mail I sent a few people regarding the day-to-day grind of my first real-real-real job working in a cubicle and my subsequent rejection of that life with built-in inner turmoil. All I can say is, time-wasting is the worst type of waste, so if you know you want to change something, get to it.

"I've just started this new job, I thought it pertinent information to let you know I am quitting.

"Yes.

"You read that correctly...

"I had been chatting with my dad [about my stint on the job so far, and really could only say],"Meh" about it. And it was bizarre. Larry, the man that just wants his kids to get jobs and fall in [the corporate] line, says to me: "Bridge, if you're not happy there, don't do it. You'll get something else." He didn't even encourage me to give it a little more time. Seriously. He went into a spiel about [his first job out of college, describing how he would] just get antsy. That's like me, antsy...

"What's weird is, I went out with some kids from [the company] the other day after work and while walking to the restaurant learned that mostly everyone who works [there] at the same position as me haven't even realized how long they've been at the company. They're content in a sort of job coma. I mean, it's got to be the benefits! I swear, none of the fun jobs offer them. My suspicion has me thinking that perhaps it's a way for the fun jobs to weed out the faint of heart. But. That said. What good is a healthy body, if it's only to serve as a shelter for a broken heart and a job comatose soul?

"Note: I am going to use it eventually in my book: My Life as a Non Journalist."

Other tales of working woes:
John

Susan

Middleness

There's even a whole website devoted to venting about your job. People need to man-up and leave what they don't like. Stagnant. Content. Interchangeable. I don't like that. If you google "I hate my job" in quotes you get over three-million sites. That's sad. It seems other people are less acclimated to life in a paid-to-go-to-a-place-that-feels-like-a-punishment.

Books in review, adding to my year-long reading list

Books Read:
1. Can You Keep a Secret?, Sophie Kinsella
2. Remember Me, Sophia Kinsella
3. The Undomestic Goddess, Sophie Kinsella
4. How to be Good, Nick Hornby
5. A Model World, Michael Chabon
6. Shopaholic and Baby, Sophie Kinsella
7. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, Dave Eggers
8. *

Books in Progress:
1. Personal History, Katharine Graham
2. A Long Way Gone, Ishmael Beah
3. Twenties Girl, Sophie Kinsella
4. You Shall Know Our Velocity, Dave Eggers

*I feel like I have one more that I can't remember—I will add it later...

The Second Wind

"The fatigue of the climb was great but it is interesting to learn once more how much further one can go on one's second wind. I think that is an important lesson for everyone to learn for it should also be applied to one's mental efforts.

Most people go through life without ever discovering the existence of that whole field of endeavor which we describe as second wind.

Whether mentally or physically occupied most people give up at the first appearance of exhaustion. Thus they never learn the glory and the exhilaration of genuine effort."

-from Personal History, by Katharine Graham, as quoted from her mother's diary entry.

Over the past week I have begun reading Katharine Graham's autobiography. I am going to be frank here: I love it.

For those of you who do not know, Katharine Graham (neé Meyer) was the publisher of The Washington Post for two decades, which fortune would have it were during the Watergate times. It should also be noted that perhaps I might be a teensy bit biased, as I love journalism and history more than your common 23-year-old. Anyway, the Post broke the story first, with leaks and off-the-record witnesses and eventually publishing the entirety of the Pentagon Papers. Graham's father purchased the Post in the 30s when it was a dying venture and passed it on to Katharine's husband, Phil Graham. He ran it until Katharine eventually took the reigns.

What amazes me most about Katharine herself was her genuine charismatic personality. And what further excites me is her zest for life, change in career paths, interest in politics, desire to be a mother—all of these things. I think what attracts me most is simply the notion that she is a woman I not only admire, but want to emulate. While she was handed almost everything, she never took it for granted, and she knew what to do with it once it had been given her.

Her whole life seems like a second wind after a second wind after a second wind. And it's true, most people go through life permitting themselves only the status quo, but she didn't, and I don't intend to.