Faith.

Over the years the notion of being content has constantly fucked with me. I'm not one to be, is what it comes down to. I always want more; and what's more is I've never known that to be a bad thing. There's something beautiful in the sort of desperation that makes you cling to your wants.  This song from Jars of Clay, "Faith Enough," speaks to that sense of desperation for me. I haven't listened to these guys in a while, but every time I do, there's something more to take away, and something more to keep me wondering. The concept of "just enough" has me heartbroken.



"Faith Enough"

The ice is thin enough for walkin'
The rope is worn enough to climb
My throat is dry enough for talkin'
The world is crumblin' but I know why
The world is crumblin' but I know why

The storm is wild enough for sailing
The bridge is weak enough to cross
This body frail enough for fighting
I'm home enough to know I'm lost
Home enough to know I'm lost

It's just enough to be strong
In the broken places, in the broken places
It's just enough to be strong
Should the world rely on faith tonight

The land unfit enough for planting
Barren enough to conceive
Poor enough to gain the treasure
Enough a cynic to believe
Enough a cynic to believe

It's just enough to be strong
In the broken places, in the broken places
It's just enough to be strong
Should the world rely on faith tonight

Confused enough to know direction
The sun eclipsed enough to shine
Be still enough to finally tremble
And see enough to know I'm blind
And see enough to know I'm blind

It's just enough to be strong
In the broken places, in the broken places
It's just enough to be strong
Should the world rely on faith tonight
Should the world rely on faith tonight

I'm resurrecting this. Heh.

I'm resurrecting this picture from a post I wrote long ago.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I always do.

French, so I love it.

"Those who believe they believe in God but without passion in the heart, without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself."

I got this in an email from my dear friend Paul. It's a quote from someone named Madeleine L'Engle. She's french, so not only do I love her, but I respect her. This time last year I was just starting to get used to living in France. I miss it.

"i got somethin' on my mind-grapes."

"I speak to this because I have got the strong impression that there are rather a lot of Christians who shut their eyes to harsh realities, including sin. The good people of my Episcopal church, despite my letter, were doing just that sort of eye-shutting. No doubt Christians I'm speaking of hate sin (when they can see it), but they are unwilling to look at unpleasant realities—unwilling, indeed, even to look at, let alone love, the sinner. It would be sad if the world saw Christians as so many ostriches with their heads buried firmly in the sand. But many do see Christians that way. That's not the faith that will overcome the world."

—"Under the Mercy," Sheldon Vanauken

Let that Be Enough, Switchfoot

Sometimes I really dislike the fact that I need God — you know, sometimes I feel like I'm here for no reason. And it bugs me that I can't do it alone. Anyway, I went to the Switchfoot concert last night with some friends for free (because I am a hotshot newspaper woman), and they played this song and another that I really enjoyed. I think I like this song so much because when I feel like I don't want to need God and when I feel like I can do it by myself it's when I also feel like I don't know if God is there. It's when I feel defeated. I bolded the particular lines that stuck out. The other song that I enjoyed was "On Fire."

I wish I had what I need
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone

And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land

And all I see
It could never make me happy And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough

It's my birthday tomorrow
No one here could know
I was born this Thursday
22 years ago

And I feel stuck
Watching history repeating
Yeah, who am I?
Just a kid who knows he's needy

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough

Here's the link to the Daily Iowan story I wrote. HERE

"doubting thomas," nickel creek

What will be left when I've drawn my last breath,
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who know me,
Will I discover a soul saving love,
Or just the dirt above and below me,

I'm a doubting thomas,
I took a promise,
But I do not feel safe,
Oh me of little faith,

Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face,
Then I beg to be spared 'cause I'm a coward,
If there's a master of death I'll bet he's holding his breath,
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power,
I'm a doubting thomas,
I can't keep my promises,
'Cause i don't know what's safe,
oh me of little faith

Can I be used to help others find truth,
When I'm scared I'll find proof that its a lie,
Can I be lead down a trail dropping bread crumbs,
That prove I'm not ready to die,

Please give me time to decipher the signs,
Please forgive me for time that I've wasted,

I'm a doubting thomas,
I'll take your promise,
Though I know nothin's safe,
Oh me of little faith

I like this.

"40" from U2's War

I waited patiently for the Lord
He inclined and heard my cry
He brought me up out of the pit
Out of the miry clay

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song

How long to sing this song
How long to sing this song
How long...how long...how long...
How long...to sing this song

He set my feet upon a rock
And made my footsteps firm
Many will see
Many will see and fear

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song

How long to sing this song
How long to sing this song
How long...how long...how long...
How long...to sing this song

Loads of things

It seems like everything at the end of semester is just another "thing" to add to the innumerable amount. My head might explode. I gave up Spider Solitaire and cookies for Lent, and only recently have I begun to eat cookies again and yes, I even downloaded Spider Solitaire. I didn't want to do it, but it just "takes the edge off." Instead of a beer to relax, I stare at a screen because in that game I control it all. Sometimes it feels like I have no control over anything. It's tough, but I know all of this stress and busyness is worth it. But right now, I'm tired.

Here's a picture that made me laugh today: