a love letter to snacks

Dearest Snacks,

You know who you are, and this is why I admire you so. It's not your sweet melt-in-mouth goodness, or the crunch that's come (oh!) unexpectedly — it's that's mellow feeling you hollow out inside me that magnetizes me to you without a fight.

But, Snacks, it's clear to me that perhaps our love affair is lopsided. Perhaps I need you more than you need me. Perhaps you can just as easily find another unassuming girl who could get swept up in all you have to offer — and maybe she'd have no guilt in indulging you. I think you actually said this to me once, that I liked you more than you liked me, and then you swiftly exited through the backdoor. I found it rude at the time, and I honestly can say that I don't know why I'm even bringing that up to you now.

I apologize. This is a love letter for Christ's sake. I was going to say for Hershey's sake or Crunch's sake, but I decided to go for sincerity and got the Lord involved. Even just then I would have substituted Lord for Truffle or something insanely perfect, akin to Christ. Or a something like a Whatchamacallit.

This, my darling Snacks, is a love letter. And I love you, Snacks. I love you so much.

Dammit. I feel like a fool for how long I've loved you, stood beside you as you taunted the chubby kids with your soft exterior, and smooth as butter (and sometimes butter) center. Loved you as you made me feel bad about myself. Loved you even when you stood on the top shelf, just out of my reach, but not my sight. You're cruel, but I love you anyway.

I do, Snacks. Please, please — I beg you. Don't leave me ever. The sun couldn't set without the moon there to step in, just as I couldn't live without you. Don't ever say I can't have you. Don't try to make me enjoy you in moderation. I will have all of you or none of you. Anything else would be too painful. You agree, don't you, Snacks?

All or nothing when it comes to you, Snacks. I won't have it any other way.

You understand, don't you? I'm sorry it has to be this way. I love you too much, and maybe, just maybe, that's my problem. But, I won't talk to anyone about it, Snacks. I can only console this imminent grief with more of you. Treat my disease with that which will make me worse.

Let me know how you feel after reading these prose, and if you feel the same as I, either leave me alone forever, or meet me at the Jewel. Aisle 5. You know where to find me.

Love forever, or never,

Brigid E Marshall

shrugging.

"Later, when they told her that Ellis Wyatt had vanished, leaving nothing behind but a board he had nailed to a post at the foot of the hill, when she looked at his handwriting on the board, she felt as if she had almost known that these would be the words:

'I am leaving it as I found it. Take over. It's yours.'"

-End of Non-Contradiction, Part I, Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand.

Living Well. But Not Lamely Like Those T-Shirts.

I'm staying away from pop for the week. Today went by without failure. That's a big deal, considering I've been knocking back around 1-3 a day for the last month. I even ran out for a snack mid morning, offering to get anything for my coworkers, who then requested Cherry Cokes, and I didn't budge. Two for them, none for me.

That slogan brings me to candy. I'm trying to cut back on my sugar intake in general. I'm a diehard cookie lover, and that's not going to change, but I am reassessing what it is I put in my body. It's all about being healthy.

Speaking of health. I don't sleep much. In general I get between five and seven hours a night. I can deal with seven, but five more than two days in a row is rough. And, let's face it, I look it. So, I'm laying off catching too many late night shows at iO, stepping back from Facebook at a reasonable hour, and turning in early.

And going along with turning things, I will also be turning more pages, i.e. reading more. That was a reach, and you could tell. That's like when a bad improviser shepherds his or her ideas across the stage hoping to connect everything without the audience realizing what's happening. We know. Anyway, I'm going to finish Atlas Shrugged by the end of September. I can do it and should have by now.

Recap:
-Staying away from pop and candy.
-Catching more Zzzs.
-Reading up.

Books.

Periodically I'll get phone calls from my mother asking me what's hot in the world of literature. It's mostly adorable, but sometimes frustrating. A couple weeks ago little Sheila (el mama) called me to ask about Ayn Rand's philosophy. I appreciated her willingness to read awesomeness, but was annoyed to a tee when she said she probably wouldn't read The Fountainhead due to its length. She's now reading We the Living, one of my favorites.

I'm now reading Atlas Shrugged. Joy.

This cracked me up.

Books.

Periodically I'll get phone calls from my mother asking me what's hot in the world of literature. It's mostly adorable, but sometimes frustrating. A couple weeks ago little Sheila (el mama) called me to ask about Ayn Rand's philosophy. I appreciated her willingness to read awesomeness, but was annoyed to a tee when she said she probably wouldn't read The Fountainhead due to its length. She's now reading We the Living, one of my favorites.

I'm now reading Atlas Shrugged. Joy.

Books in 2010

Last year was an epic year for book reading. So far this year I've been pretty bad.

1. Breakfast at Tiffany's, Truman Capote
2. T.S. Eliot Collected Poems, T.S. Eliot
3. Born Standing Up, Steve Martin
4. Waiter Rant, Steve Dublanica
5. City of Thieves, David Benioff
6. Holidays on Ice, David Sedaris

In process/ Plan to read in the near future:
1. Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand
2. I am the New Black, Tracy Morgan
3. The Mailroom, David Rensin
4. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
5. What is the What, Dave Eggers
6. Eating the Dinosaur, Chuck Klosterman

Not Finishing:
1. Profiles in Courage, JFK
2. You Shall Know Our Velocity, Dave Eggers

5 Things I Love...

1. Things That Might Not Be True . COM.

2. Blackhawks Hockey Games. And the NHL in general.

3. Milkshakes, Ice Cream and a la mode anything.

4. My Grandpa Harry.

5. Reading. Reading. Reading.

Books, still in review

If you read my blog, you know I like — no scrap that — love to read. Since my last reading list post, I've finished:

1. Personal History, Katharine Graham
2. Twenties Girl, Sophie Kinsella
3. The Wild Things, Dave Eggers
4. Truth in Comedy, Charna Halpern, Del Close, Kim Johnson
5. I Feel Bad About My Neck (and Other Thoughts on Being a Woman), Nora Ephron

But

I'm still trying to finish:
1. Profiles in Courage, JFK
and
2. You Shall Know Our Velocity, Eggers

I don't know if I will finish either of those any time soon though. For some reason I can't seem to get into either, really. I'm 3/4 done with Profiles in Courage though, so I think I will just tough it out. I mean, it's a good book, it's just so full that I find myself rereading things often just to keep up. I think I'm going to get back to reading autobiographies though. I find them much more enjoyable than biographies, as those read seriously like text books, rather than life stories, which is what they are. I think people are more coherent when they're writing about themselves rather than someone else. It's funny though because JFK got a Pulitzer for Profiles in Courage, and so did Katharine Graham for her autobiography, Personal History.

* Add A Long Way Gone, Beah, and What is the What, Eggers to the soon-to-read list.

Books, Books, Books

I always tell Brian that we can be the couple who reads together. I don't know why, but I have this idea that we could go to a park, and there wouldn't be any bugs, and I could be reading some silly Sophie Kinsella book or some really intense biography about a high-powered woman, and he could be reading some book that periodically he has to read out loud to show just how funny it is.

I don't know why, but it's always been something that I've sort of wanted, for one reason or another. Maybe it's because I really love going to bookstores, but there are never comfy chairs open, so I just end up reading outside and want company. Or maybe it's because I want someone to read sentences aloud to. That's company though, right?

Company is probably the biggest thing, because really, reading is quite a solitary activity. Or, it's all just a throwback to reading outside on the pentacrest in college. Let's go with company as a whole though.

I mean, you've got your book groups and the like, but there's no real discussion, I imagine. Maybe I have a skewed perspective on book groups thanks to my mother. She has been part of one for a few years now and enjoys reading, but somehow always gets distracted and can never finish the book in time for the book group deadline. I get that. But at the same time, it's hard to have a real chat about a book if you've only finished a third of it. Then again, why is there a timetable for reading a book? Ah, ha, libraries also have timetables. Two weeks, or you're out. I pounded down the latest Sophie Kinsella novel, Twenties Girl, in just over a day on Wednesday. I was dodging a late fee and returned it during the off-hours technically after the deadline, but also technically not. Limbo. By the way, in case you hadn't heard from me already, Personal History was great. It's sad that there's no more. If I were Katharine Graham (provided I was still alive), I think it would be really scary to look at a 650-page book and realize that's it. That's your life. I mean, obviously not everything can be covered in a book, but it's sort of intense.

But this is neither here nor there. I suppose I do have a way of talking about the books I'm reading. Thanks for checking up, blog readers. In the meantime, I'll probably be outside. Reading. For now it's JFK's Profiles in Courage.

Books in review, adding to my year-long reading list

Books Read:
1. Can You Keep a Secret?, Sophie Kinsella
2. Remember Me, Sophia Kinsella
3. The Undomestic Goddess, Sophie Kinsella
4. How to be Good, Nick Hornby
5. A Model World, Michael Chabon
6. Shopaholic and Baby, Sophie Kinsella
7. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, Dave Eggers
8. *

Books in Progress:
1. Personal History, Katharine Graham
2. A Long Way Gone, Ishmael Beah
3. Twenties Girl, Sophie Kinsella
4. You Shall Know Our Velocity, Dave Eggers

*I feel like I have one more that I can't remember—I will add it later...

The Second Wind

"The fatigue of the climb was great but it is interesting to learn once more how much further one can go on one's second wind. I think that is an important lesson for everyone to learn for it should also be applied to one's mental efforts.

Most people go through life without ever discovering the existence of that whole field of endeavor which we describe as second wind.

Whether mentally or physically occupied most people give up at the first appearance of exhaustion. Thus they never learn the glory and the exhilaration of genuine effort."

-from Personal History, by Katharine Graham, as quoted from her mother's diary entry.

Over the past week I have begun reading Katharine Graham's autobiography. I am going to be frank here: I love it.

For those of you who do not know, Katharine Graham (neé Meyer) was the publisher of The Washington Post for two decades, which fortune would have it were during the Watergate times. It should also be noted that perhaps I might be a teensy bit biased, as I love journalism and history more than your common 23-year-old. Anyway, the Post broke the story first, with leaks and off-the-record witnesses and eventually publishing the entirety of the Pentagon Papers. Graham's father purchased the Post in the 30s when it was a dying venture and passed it on to Katharine's husband, Phil Graham. He ran it until Katharine eventually took the reigns.

What amazes me most about Katharine herself was her genuine charismatic personality. And what further excites me is her zest for life, change in career paths, interest in politics, desire to be a mother—all of these things. I think what attracts me most is simply the notion that she is a woman I not only admire, but want to emulate. While she was handed almost everything, she never took it for granted, and she knew what to do with it once it had been given her.

Her whole life seems like a second wind after a second wind after a second wind. And it's true, most people go through life permitting themselves only the status quo, but she didn't, and I don't intend to.

Books I've read over the last year

1. Slam, Nick Hornby

2. A Long Way Down, Nick Hornby

3. We the Living, Ayn Rand

4. The Fountainhead, Ayn Rand

5. Confessions of a Shopaholic, Sophia Kinsella

6. Shopaholic Takes Manhattan, Sophia Kinsella

7. Shopaholic Ties the Knot, Sophia Kinsella

8. Shopaholic and Sister, Sophia Kinsella

9. When You Are Engulfed in Flames, David Sedaris

10. Do Travel Writers Go to Hell?, Thomas Kohnstamm

11. Under the Mercy, Sheldon Vanauken

12. Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, Chuck Klosterman

13. Watchdog Journalism: The Art of Investigative Reporting, Steven J. Berry